Record Number Of Terrorism Experts Report For Duty In Internet Comment Sections


AS the world tried to come to terms with the heinous violence visited upon France on Friday evening, selfless members of the internet community have taken up the reluctant task of rushing online to explain the causes of and solutions to barbaric and repugnant terrorism.

Online comment sections witnessed a huge swell in the number of vastly experienced terrorism experts who were willing to explain the very black and white issue of Islamic extremism, helpfully shouting down objectors with increasingly hostile, but incredibly detailed inaccuracies.

“Look, I’ve been to the Middle East, Algeria and Morroco are scary places and we have to face facts, we should send in the Americans, the English and the Russians and the French to deal with them,” explained a Galway based terrorist expert and primary school teacher Evan Hughes.

“I don’t do this for me, I’m duty bound as a terrorism expert to flood every aspect of social media with my extensive knowledge,” Hughes explained to WWN.

Due to the harrowing scenes emanating from Paris, many terrorist experts simply didn’t have the time to show evidence of their credentials before launching into lengthy rants online.

However, many experts performed a meaningful service to those readers who made the mistake of scrolling down beyond the article and into the comment sections as experts explained they were in possession of all the facts about everything, despite the still unfolding situation.

“That’s refugees for you, all of them should be shot,” explained Carmel Cummings, a Waterford based mother of children and shop owner, capturing the mood of many whose hearts went out to the victims of the senseless attacks.

“Fucking disgusting – the lot of them, Islam bastards,” she added, concluding her message of condolences to the victims.

Unable to stomach the terrible scenes of man’s inhumanity to man, several local terrorism experts tried to distract themselves by correcting any pronouncements by individuals who sought a measured and fact driven approach to absorbing the night’s events.

“I haven’t slept since Friday,” explained Dublin student Ben Higgins, “the amount of people who rely on me to become educated on Muslims is overwhelming,” the student said, explaining the reasoning behind copying and pasting passages from the Koran in comment sections for the past 72 hours.