ISIS Claim Credit For Attack On Waterford Man’s Hair
CALIPHATE enthusiasts ISIS has claimed responsibility for an attack on Waterford Man Alan Greene’s hair, leaving him looking like a complete and utter bellend, WWN can exclusively reveal.
Hellbent on waging a war in the Middle East while claiming responsibility for any event big or small that adversely affects those in the Western world, ISIS has yet again impinged on the freedoms enjoyed by a Western nation with an unprovoked attack on Mr. Greene’s hair.
As a result of the new hairdo Greene has been subjected to torrents of abuse and slagging from friends and family.
Posing as a humble hairdresser in Waterford’s Clean Kut barbers, an ISIS operative seemingly ignored Greene’s request for a ‘short, back and sides’ favouring a devastating combination of skin tight sides, and a floppy lump of hair on top, tied up carefully in something called a ‘man bun’ creating the illusion that Greene ‘is a bit of a fucking eejit’.
“I should have known something was up when the barber didn’t shite on endlessly about the soccer at the weekend,” a distraught Greene told WWN.
“I just wanted something straight forward, but these ISIS lads want us to live in fear every day. There isn’t a corner of the world they haven’t got their terrorist hands on,” Greene confirmed, while wrestling with the decision on how to rescue his hairdo so he didn’t look so stupid.
The hairdresser responsible for the haircut denies ISIS membership, going on to explain that is just the only haircut he knows how to do.
“Ah, no I’m not with ISIS, it’s just I’m only able to do the one style, and the lads round here love the man bun look anyway,” Daniel Higgins told WWN.
Higgins explanation flies in stark contrast to the brief statement issued in the aftermath of the attack on Greene’s hair in which they said “we did it”. They also took sole responsibility for the recent fog.