Dublin Man Disgusted By Heroin Use Has No Problem With His Own Cocaine Habit


27-YEAR-OLD Dublin man Jack Healy has confirmed that nothing relating to his continued abuse of cocaine is remotely unsavoury, and while he’s at it, he would like to complain about the inner city heroin problem.

“These people, if we can call them that, need to take a long hard look at themselves,” Healy confirmed, while bleeding from his nose.

“Dublin is a city of tourism, of commerce or doers and entrepreneurs, and that heroin lot would make you throw up, the way they’ve no respect for anything,” confirmed the Dublin native who spent the majority of the previous weekend in a snow-induced haze.

Healy’s cocaine habit, which he refers to as something he does ‘on occasion’ may involve the passing of cash to the city’s drug gangs, but bares next to know resemblance to the guttersnipes who clog up the city’s doorways and alleyways.

“Look pal, I wear a suit for Christ’s sake, I’m hardly disgusting alright,” Healy reaffirmed as he outlined just how Dublin has gone to shit in recent months, owing solely to the presence of addicts on the streets.

“You would be mad not to round up all the addicts, and chuck them in a ditch somewhere, they’ve no idea, do they? Ruining the city for everyone else,” explained the bank employee who will go on to make the majority of customers in a busy Dublin pub incredibly uncomfortable later this evening with his flagrant snorting of cocaine.