Perfectly Sane Man In Charge Of Country’s Nuclear Arms
THE world has been offered a timely reminder that its fate lies in the hands of perfectly sane people, who just so happen to also possess nuclear warheads.
Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netenyahu made the headlines after politely explaining to the world that Hitler was not the chief architect of an attempted extermination of Jewish people during the second world war, helpfully pointing out it was actually all the Palestinians fault.
“What is always of great comfort to me is that world leaders are rarely people who seem to be teetering on the edge of insanity,” explained political expert Theodore Humphries, “it takes a sharp mind to realise that Hitler didn’t really have a hand in the mass slaughter of the Jewish people, and it helps me sleep at night knowing Netanyahu has one such mind which can instruct his finger to press a big red button at any time”.
Attending the 37th World Zionist Congress, the Israeli leader was at pains to stress that the Nazis had little desire for ill will until having a chat with some Palestinians, Netanyahu did so while also stripping down to his underwear and attempting to recreate the dance from the iconic video for Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’.
Netanyahu singled out Haj Amin al-Husseini, an anti-Zionist who helped Nazis recruit Bosnian Muslims into their ranks during World War II as the sole author of the Final Solution.
“Mad? No, Benji is perfectly fine, there’s nothing to worry about,” insisted an aide close to the leader, “wait, you’re worried someone like this has access to our nuclear arsenal? Relax, he’s a responsible guy, he even said he, and only he, would ever press that button. So there’s nothing to worry about, honestly”.
In a rare conciliatory gesture which suggested the prime minister still had all his faculties, he refused to blame Palestinians for the occasions on which Israelis slept through their alarms, making them late for work.