Gruesome Scenes As Jogger Found Eaten Alive By Midges

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A FORENSIC investigation was ongoing in the Drumcondra area of Dublin, after the body of a young man seemingly eaten alive by midges was found early this morning.

Named locally as Sean Dempsey, it is believed the 25-year-old went out for a morning jog before running afoul of a massive swarm of midges on Richmond Road.

Midges, sometimes known as ‘fuckin’ midges’, have been known to fly in swarms directly into the eyes and mouths of passing joggers causing bouts of swatting and spitting and eye rubbing. In severe cases, they have been known to bite and sting causing itchy red lumps, but police at the scene say they have “never witnessed” anything on the scale of what happened to Mr. Dempsey.

“They picked him clean, to the bone,” said Marie Hanlon, the jogger who found Mr. Dempsey’s body.

“The poor lad, all there was left was a pair of runners and a fitbit. Round here is full of midges in the morning and evening, he must not have known about them. The rest of us joggers, we know to cross the road to avoid getting a face full of the wee bastards. He must have ran straight into them… he never had a chance”.

As gardaí continue to question witnesses, the vast majority of people have agreed that midge attacks are best avoided by simply staying at home and watching telly instead of going for a walk or run.

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