Nation Calls In Sick


BUSINESSES around the country have confirmed that the majority of the Nation has called in sick today, citing a mysterious illness which took hold at precisely 4.45pm yesterday afternoon.

Many employees have confirmed similar symptoms which reached their most devastating levels at 6.30pm, with a large number of people seeking treatment in Cardiff.

“Ah, honestly, you know I’d love to be in for 9am on the dot, but when you’re sick, you’re sick,” confirmed accountant Alan Gunning to his boss this morning in a carefully worded text that finished with the news that Gunning would be trying to get some rest to fight this bastard illness with everything he’s got.

While no official investigations have been launched by health authorities in Ireland it is believed the illness took on a darker, more sombre tone between 7.45pm and 9.30pm.

“I think a lot of people realised around that point that as frustrating as it was to be ill, work at 9am the next morning wasn’t the answer,” GP Dermot Ryan told WWN.

With so many people taken ill, early reports have suggested that the few Irish people who have called into work – the deli counter Frontline staff, have been under huge pressure to fulfill prescription orders of breakfast rolls, bottles of lucozade and crisps.