Nation Stays Grounded As Greatest Football Team Of All Time Beat The Germans


CALM and understated celebrations followed Ireland’s routine victory against a weak German side, which contained just 9 World Cup winners and 4 Champions League winners.

The Irish football team, familiar to all football fans as the undisputed, greatest football team in the world, were happy with the easy game against the inferior opposition, but took a moment to bemoan the understated and unenthusiastic celebrations from Irish fans.

A small smattering of fans were reported to have raised their voice above a polite level when Long’s straightforward tap-in bobbled past notorious butterfingered goalkeeper Manuel Neuer.

“Suppose, we’d just like the fans to show that a win like this, as taken for granted as it was, would get even the smallest of cheers, but there was just silence,” goal scorer Shane Long explained after the game.

The predictability of last night’s win against minnows Germany was further highlighted by a post-match poll in which 97% of Irish fans confirmed that they always knew Ireland would claim the 3 points, with many fans going as far as to say they were disappointed that the team didn’t win by more.

In related news that goes somewhat against the muted scenes witnessed at the Aviva last night, all 114 children born post-match so far have been given the first name ‘Shane Long’ by their parents.

Minister for Sport, Paschal Donohoe has confirmed that Angela Merkel has until 6pm this evening to formally hand over the World Cup trophy.