Noonan To Set Aside A Few Quid For A Government Night Out In Upcoming Budget


MINISTER for finance Michael Noonan is hoping to have a nice slap-up feed and a few pints after this year’s budget announcement, having put aside a few euro for himself and his party members as a special treat.

The upcoming budget is rumoured to include cuts to the universal social charge, which would bring relief to cash-strapped people across the country. Child benefits are also set to see an increase, and property taxes are said to remain at their current levels until 2019, easing uncertainty about annual outgoings.

Feeling that he’s done enough for everyone else, Noonan has deemed it only fair that some money be put aside so that he can go for a hard earned feed with the lads and maybe even a couple of drinks.

“Everyone else is getting looked after this year, so why not us?” asked Noonan, who presided over some of the harshest budgets in living memory.

“There’s an extra €1.5 billion or so to go around, so there’s no reason why me and the Fine Gael lads can’t go to Captain Americas for steaks. We’re not going to take the piss, everyone will be told that they can get either a starter or a dessert, but not both. And then if there’s cash left, we’ll head for a pint in town, maybe even go to a disco. Sure, we’ve earned it!”.

Coalition partners Labour have expressed disgust at Noonan’s plans, and have asked why they aren’t being included in this night out.