Shopping baskets have been used by homo sapiens for thousands of years, yet 97% of us fail to correctly place the metal carrier back in their holders properly, costing retail stores trillions of euros in man-hours every year. We here at WWN have decided to break it down for you into a handy 2-step shopping basket guide. You’re welcome.
1) Empty Basket Contents Onto The Conveyor Belt
Shocking, we know, but the number one thing you should do when you reach your till operator is to empty all the basket contents onto the conveyor belt, using one or both of your hands. Do not just tilt the basket over as you may damage the goods you have not yet paid for. If the person ahead of you didn’t place the plastic shopping separator behind their items, then rudely reach over their shit, making sure to make a fuss, and do it yourself. Only place a separator for the person behind you when it has been done for you, otherwise; it’s every shopper for themselves. Fuck them.
2) Shopping Basket Handle Placement
This is probably the most important part of this guide so read carefully. There are a few ways to do this, but we would again suggest using one, or both of your hands. Lift the both handles of the now empty shopping basket so they are one the outside. If you are unsure what the outside is, please look at the diagram below.
Do not leave one handle in, and the other out, as this can cause serious consequences, which we will explain in a later step. Carefully bending you knees, grab the basket with both hands and bend down to the shopping basket holder underneath the till. This holder should resemble the below image.
If there are baskets already in the holder, make sure the top basket has its handles also in the correct position before carefully placing your basket into it. There, you’ve done it. Well done.
Troubleshooting: What If The Basket On The Top Has One Or Both Handles In The Wrong Position?
This is obviously a huge problem, hence why we created this guide.
If the previous person has failed to leave the basket’s handles in the fail-safe position, make sure to stare at them until you catch their attention. Once got, make a huge fuss while bending with your knees and placing the culprits basket handles in the right position with your beautiful hands. Make a big deal about this to embarrass the scumbag. Make them feel as small and as useless as you can. Say stuff like: “some people haven’t a fucking clue these days”, “inconsiderate bastard/bitch,” “mentally deficient prick”, and various other insults to get your point across. Don’t be afraid to go full psycho. This is a capital offence in some countries and flogging isn’t good enough for these people.
Troubleshooting: What If The Offender Is Not There?
If the previous person has failed to leave the basket’s handles in the fail-safe position and is not actually at the checkout anymore, just ignore all the above steps and throw your basket in there like it’s no one’s business. Fuck the handles. This basket stack is already ruined anyway. It’s not your fault the person before you is a lazy bastard that has no respect for others. Leave it to the next person to fix, unless of course they are directly behind you, in that instance see step 2.
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