Know-All Liverpool Fan Hired As Replacement For Rodgers
ONE extremely opinionated and vocal Liverpool supporter will finally get a chance to see his beloved club run “the right way”, after being hired as manager following the sacking of Brendan Rodgers.
Rodgers was released from the club yesterday following a string of poor results and baffling managerial decisions, kicking off huge speculation as to who would replace him.
That search ended this morning when Barry “Baz” Nicholson, a 48-year-old mouthpiece and Anfield season ticket holder, was unveiled as the new gaffer.
Nicholson, often heard discussing what Liverpool should and shouldn’t do while in conversation with anyone who will listen to him, was hired in a bid to turn around the fortunes of the beleaguered football club.
“We’ve got every faith that Big Baz can bring his ‘roaring from the terraces’ style to the training ground,” said a Liverpool spokesperson.
“After we sacked Brendan, our search for a new manager began, and the board were unanimous in their decision to hire ‘that fat lad who always yells at the team bus every week'”.
With no actual previous managerial experience, Nicholson will have to draw on his wealth of Liverpool trivia and sheer capacity for making noise in order to be remembered as one of the greats.
“First off, see that shower on the pitch, they can start earning their fucking wages,” roared Nicholson, who doesn’t appear to be able to talk at a normal level.
“The fuckin’ money that lot are on, and this is how they play every week? I’m not havin’ it. I told that lot in there, I’m not havin’ it. And I need a bag of cash to go over to America and get Steven Gerrard back here as soon as possible. Whatever he wants, he’s getting it”.
When informed that Nicholson had gotten his old job at Anfield, Brendan Rodgers simply replied “he’s fucking welcome to it”.