Family’s Grandfather Forgotten, But Not Gone

A GALWAY grandfather has reminded his extended family that he is not gone, but merely forgotten following three straight months of fuck all visitors.

“Oh Jesus, I’m very much alive, despite my little pricks of sons seeming to forget it,” Fitzsimons confirmed.

While families up and down the country lament sorrowfully at the loss of their loved ones, the family of 77-year-old John Fitzsimons has completely forgotten about him being alive.

“Rake of visitors in for that McCormick lad again, lucky bastard,” Fitzsimons explained to himself while staring out the window at his neighbour’s house.

Fitzsimons’ seven sons and 15 grandchildren have found it increasingly easy to forget to make plans to visit the pensioner as they resign themselves to the fact he is forgotten, but not gone.

“Funny thing is I bloody hate most of them, but a phone call would suffice,” Fitzsimons said aloud, before contemplating upping the amount money he slips his grandchildren when their parents aren’t looking.

“It’s the chocolates I keep in stock I bet, no one likes fucking Kit Kats anymore,” Fitzsimons queried as he looked through his presses.