Entire Bus Treated To Dance Music Pulsating From Dickhead’s Earphones


DUBLIN bus commuters found themselves in the enviable position of being offered an exclusive music performance coming out of the earphones of fellow commuter and apparent dickhead, 18-year-old Dean Hanley.

Talking to the back of the top deck on the 15b bus, Hanley immediately began a stirring performance by sticking a dance song on his phone and playing it far too loudly through his earphones, fully aware he was probably ruining a number of bus journeys.

Nodding his head back and forth aggressively, Hanley risked giving himself self-imposed whiplash as well as obliterating his eardrums thanks to his state of the art Beats headphones, who since being acquired by Apple have yet to install vital dickhead repellent technology.

“I wouldn’t mind to be honest, only the fact it’s Calvin-fucking-Harris he’s playing,” explained disgruntled commuter Adrian Cummings, who felt like he was right next to a giant nightclub sound system despite being some 9 seats in front of Hanley.

Coming in at a modest 130 decibels, the Harris dancefloor hit ‘Outside’ has only smashed two windows on the top deck so far, but with Hanley not getting off until he’s in the city centre, there is every chance his choice of volume could destroy the entire bus.

“Ah, God be the days when you’d bring your vinyl player on the bus into town, a bit of Dickie Rock would have the bus in convulsions,” remarked pensioner Ailbhe Doherty, who confirmed she was just about ready to “fucking end that young fella” if his performance carried on much longer.