5 Things We Learned After Dropping Ecstasy At Work
THERE’S a lot of people out there who may wonder what it’s like to take two hits at 11 o’clock break and then try to make it through a slog of a day job, but would never attempt to do such a thing. Luckily, we did it for you. here’s what we learned!
1) Your boss is sounder than you think
Your boss may have always struck you as unreasonable or unnecessarily harsh on even the slightest little demeanour, but in actual fact he’s really special. He’s just cool… he’s just a cool guy. In fact, most of your co-workers are just a big happy bunch. We’re not so sure why we got so upset with them when they didn’t buy us a cake for our birthday… it probably just slipped their mind. They aren’t bad people. There are no “bad” people.
2) The water in the water cooler is delicious
All the time you worked in this office, the water cooler always seemed like just that: a cooler, that cooled water. A water cooling machine. Cools water. That’s all it was. But today, it’s something more. It’s a well… it’s a well full of delicious liquid. Thirst quenching, wonderful fluid. It courses through us. We can feel it in our eyes.
3) The sound of typing is catchy
Ever just stop and listen to the sound of an office? The sound of hundreds of fingers striking hundreds of keyboard keys? There’s a rhythm to it. There’s a beat. It’s infectious. It starts in your ears, but soon you’ll feel it in your fingers. It’s in your arms, they can’t sit still. It’s all through you. Someone is typing out a spreadsheet, and it’s the most banging tracks of all time. We can’t sit still. We need to dance.
4) Being fired is wonderful
The head of HR is telling you that you’re fired, effective immediately, and it’s just like WOW… thank you. We’ve never felt so free. This isn’t an instance where someone is terminating our employment, it’s an instance where someone took us in their arms and told us to be free: be free of the shackles of employment. Be free of the nine to five. Be one with the daytime. Be wonderful.
5) Bus comedowns are the worst comedowns
Nobody likes a comedown, but coming down on a bus in the middle of the day has got to be the worst. You’re groggy, tired, and you’re not sure why you’re holding a box of office supplies. Plus, this is not your boss. Where the fuck are we going?