Scientists Confirm There’s Always One


ACCORDING to the results of a series of tests carried out by research specialists over 3 years, it’s official: no matter where you go, there’s always fucking one.

Whether you’re out having a good time with a group of people, or in a meeting at work, statistics prove that whenever there’s a group of people trying to do something or get something done, there will always be one who just… there’s always one.

Teams of scientists from across the world came together to conduct the groundbreaking study, which involved long periods of monitoring interactions between groups of people in a variety of social and work environments.

Also included were tests at concerts, picnics, cinema outings, traffic situations, weddings, restaurants and sporting events. Case studies were also carried out on the behaviour of people, checking online forums and message boards. In all instances, no matter how small the focus group, no matter if they were perfect strangers or had known each other for years, in every group of people there was always one.

“It’s inescapable,” said Dr. Irwin Michaels, who headed up the project.

“You go to see a movie and everyone is having a good time, but there’s always one… or you’ll be at work pitching an idea to a group of co-workers, and everyone will be on your side and with you, except for one, just one… always, always one”.

Michaels went on to state that even his research team couldn’t escape the rule of “always one”.

“Fuckin’ Addams, man” said Michaels, pinching the bridge of his nose, “every fucking day, with the same shit… there’s always one, isn’t there?”