Dublin Homeless Families To Be Moved Out Of View Of Tourists


THE Government’s proposed solutions to the ongoing homelessness crisis across the country have taken yet another drastic turn as homeless families from Dublin are to be offered vacant houses in rural communities, all in an effort to keep them out of the view of visiting tourists.

“You wouldn’t believe what a bummer it is for the Americans when they land in the city centre,” a Government spokesperson told WWN earlier today, “to pay all that money only for you to step out of your hotel and see families being out on the streets or worse put up in the same hotel as you, it’s harrowing for them”.

New proposals which are set to be mulled over once Government returns next month, will put the cabinet’s focus on how best to hide homeless families from any tourists visiting the capital, and it seems moving young children out of Dublin away from their friends, families and schools is set to win out.

“Look, I think we can all sympathise with their plight, they’ve spent a lot of money to be here, and the last thing they want is a tour of Kilmainham Gaol to be interrupted by someone looking for spare change,” the spokesperson added, “and Jesus, a lot of those Asian tourists go mad with the cameras, pictures of homeless people on the streets or in hotels, we can’t have that”.

A test run of the scheme has seen large screens with advertising on them being erected around the circumference of homeless families, to make them appear as if they are quirky mobile adverts for various tourist trips around the country.

“You see, that way, as we place them on a bus with a one way ticket to the middle of nowhere, they also double up as displaying a two-for-one offer to the Cliffs of Moher or something like that, I came up with that bit, I’m quite proud.

“We like to give out, say the Americans are awful thick, but they’re sharp enough that they’ll notice we’re not looking after our citizens in need if they catch sight of these families, could you imagine what that’ll do for visitor numbers at the Guinness Storehouse? Doesn’t bare thinking about,” the spokesperson concluded.

The Government is believed to have outsourced the task of moving the families to a company called Out of SightServ.