Shane Lowry Wondering Where The Fuck He’s Going To Keep This Thing

FOLLOWING the thrill of his victory at the WGC-Bridgestone Invitational on Sunday, Offaly golfer Shane Lowry has turned his attention to the massive trophy he received, and just exactly where the fuck it’s supposed to go in his house.

Lowry, who golfed his heart out at Firestone to grab a win and move up to 19th in the world rankings, was presented with a comically over-sized trophy and a cheque for €1.4 million.

Although confident about what he’s going to do with the cash, Lowry seemed uncertain as to where in his gaff the huge beige cup was going to stay.

“The base of it is too wide to sit on a mantelpiece or windowsill” said Lowry, who had to check the massive price in as a separate piece of luggage on the flight home as it wouldn’t go in his carry-on bag.

“I don’t have a garage on the house, and the attic has all the Christmas lights and stuff in it. I might have to swing round the aul pair’s house and leave it in my old bedroom for the time being, until I can get a trophy case built or something. They’ll love that, so they will. I still have an old telly in that room and every time I go home, my Mam’s always onto me to take it down to the tip”.

Shane’s victory was closely followed by the injury-stricken Rory McIlroy, who sat at home by the light of a fire cradling a glass of brandy while watching the Bridgestone Invitational, leaping to his feet and throwing his glass in the fire when Lowry sank the winning putt.