Government To Level O’Connell Street As It’s Easier Than Fixing It


THE Government has unveiled a radical decision in solving myriad issues affecting Dublin’s O’Connell Street, much to the dismay of experts.

O’Connell Street is for many Irish people the most recognisable street in Ireland, but it has been beset by problems in recent years, most notably the prevalence of absolute pricks roaming the streets and generally making it uninhabitable for the average member of the public.

Taking this into account, the Government has today announced that they will seek to level the entirety of the street, stating “it’s far easier to bulldoze the lot than actually figure out a way of bringing it up to scratch”.

Dublin City Council, responsible for the street’s upkeep, for their part has openly welcomed the decision as they admitted they can’t be arsed with it either.

Anti-social behaviour, open drug dealing, beating the head off tourists, and a series of shuttered shop fronts have converged on the capital’s main thoroughfare just in time for next year’s 1916 commemorations, which the Government admits has forced them into action.

“Jesus, we can’t have the cameras picking up all the drug addicts, homeless and undesirables, so after a bit of brainstorming we had two options: solve those problems or strap a load of C4 to the street and press the big red button,” the Taosieach explained earlier today.

“I’m not sure if it’s because the cabinet doesn’t like solving problems or just really enjoys explosions, but we all voted for levelling the street,” the Taoiseach added.

Experts have urged the Government to reconsider and to try, maybe, to actually find constructive solutions to a growing problem, but the Taoiseach confirmed that the best way to pay tribute to the heroes of 1916 was to recreate the ruins which resulted from the Easter Rising fighting.

However, the levelling of the street seems set for December of this year after the Government awarded DestructionServ, a Siteserv subsidiary the €300 million contract for the demolition.