National Begrudgery Soars As Limerick Brothers Now Valued At €4.5bn


A PAIR of jammy pricks who run a software business or some shit like that have had their company valued at almost €4.5 billion, causing a drastic spike in the levels of begrudgery across the land.

Limerick brothers Patrick and John Collison, both still only in their twenties for fuck’s sake, have completed another funding round for their start-up company Stripe, bringing the valuation of the business to four and a half billion, that’s billion with a ‘B’, not million, billion.

The valuation was largely due to a soar in interest from companies such as VISA and American Express, who wish to get involved with Stripe’s advanced online payment capabilities or whatever the fuck it does.

The huge boost for the company has resulted in Irish spite soaring into levels not seen since Dolores McNamara won €115 million on the Euromillions in 2005, or when Crystal Swing appeared on Ellen.

“Ah sure, anyone could have built that company, if they’d felt like it,” said one man we interviewed, after he’d finished cursing the Collison brothers from a height.

“€4.5 million? Sure, that’ll not go far these days. Those lads are better off giving up the aul computers, and getting a trade. A proper job. They’d be way happier. Sure, they probably have to work all the hours of the day, keeping that thing running. I couldn’t be arsed with any of that. Wait, did you say million or billion?”

The success of Stripe has sent the brothers high into the list of Ireland’s wealthiest entrepreneurs, as well as to the top of the list of people who begrudgers want to see fail miserably.