Punching Sharks Now Declared Australia’s National Sport


AUSTRALIANS have taken to the country’s beaches today in an effort to participate in their new national sport shark punching, which was granted the status as national sport yesterday evening.

The sport has gained an instantaneous increase in players following the efforts of Australian surfer Mick Fanning to bring the little known sport to a wider audience in South Africa this week.

“It’s got everything, the danger, the excuse to punch something. It’s everything we could want,” former AFL player Chet Birmingham told WWN before he made a b-line for the water screaming “I wanna punch a fucking shark”.

Sporting experts have suggested that Australians have become bored with conventional fights within their popular sports such as cricket, rugby league, hockey, rugby union, Australian football and chess.

“I think the sport-playing Australian public is so over breaking into fights in these sports, there’s only so many times you can punch a fellow human in the face before becoming bored and weary of it all,” explained sporting expert Peter Jones.

Shark punching, much like other Australian sports involves some rules, which are then disregarded once someone pisses you off enough that you want to beat the shit out of them, only in shark punching the human is now replaced by a shark.

“The odds are stacked against us humans, but I fucking love a good shark punching session,” explained pro-shark puncher Truck Matthews.

The Australian national shark punching championships will be broadcast on BT Sport at 3am this Saturday.