Government Running Out Of Things To Sell Off

AHEAD of a Dáil vote today on the sale of Aer Lingus, it has been revealed that the Government is running out of things to sell off.

In efforts to raise money to plug holes in successive budgets, the Fine Gael and Labour coalition have identified several ‘must sell’ options with Aer Lingus perhaps being the most prominent.

“We have all this stationary with the official seal of the government on it,” explained chief Government sell off potential assessor Gregory Chambers, “sure all you’d have to do is cross that out and sure it could do stationary supplies for any old company. We’d be selling a great knockdown price obviously”.

While there were angry scenes in the Dáil yesterday as opposition independent TDs criticised the way the Government have conducted the process, the Taoiseach robustly defended his Government’s position.

“Look after this one I’m honestly not sure we have anything else to sell off,” the Taoiseach told Clare Daly TD before politely asking she remain standing as removal men were on their way in to take the Dáil benches away to sell for firewood.

Several opposition TDs sought assurances as to the rights of employees in the partially state-owned airline, but were once again reassured by the Government.

“Never mind that, it’ll be grand. Have you seen the size of the cheque? We asked for one of those novelty sized ones and they said yes. I’ll bring into the Dáil next time so we can all have a look at it, it’s deadly,” added the minister for transport Pascal O’Donohoe.