Man’s Quiet Pint In Pub Ruined By Some Cunt With Keyboard


A CARLOW man’s quiet drink in his local pub last night was ruined by the sudden and unwelcome appearance in the corner of some cunt with a keyboard, who proceeded to play a medley of terrible songs for the rest of the evening.

Malachy Maguire, 35, had waited until Wednesday night to go for a nice relaxing pint by himself, having wanted to avoid the hectic St. Patrick’s crowd the night before.

His delight upon the arrival of his first pint of Guinness was cut short when a young man walked through the front door and began to set up a keyboard in the corner of the bar, before starting a sound check which lasted twenty minutes and caused 80% of the bar customers to finish their drinks and head off home.

To the annoyance of Maguire and the four remaining customers, the keyboard player began to sing along to a selection of songs, most of which were largely auto-played on the keyboard.

“I specifically go out during the week to avoid this kind of shit,” said Maguire, using air passing through his vocal chords combined with movements of the lips and tongue.

“Last thing you expect on a weeknight is some lad kicking off on a Casio in the corner. None of us were even paying him any attention, but he went on with his Neil Diamond medley, thanking us after each song as if he was playing Croke Park”.

Incidents where cunts with keyboards have ruined perfectly good nights at the pub have risen alarmingly across the country, with many fearing the phenomenon will reach levels previously achieved by cunts with guitars and a machine playing a backing track which were rampant in the last ten years.