Local Man Delighted After Winning Imaginary Argument With Boss In His Head


IN what has been hailed as one of his biggest victories to date, junior executive Martin Brophy punched the air in delight after finally sticking it to his boss over a ‘ludicrous’ decision about the up-and-coming shareholders’ meeting next Friday.

From the comfort of the second cubicle in Harvey Brothers & Associates men’s room, the 29-year-old replayed the piece of verbal wizardry again in his head, for the third time this sitting.

“Oh, you don’t want me there you say?” Brophy murmured, frantically pulling tiny sheets of paper from a dispenser that allows one per go. “It was okay when I did all the background research for you though, wasn’t it? Oh, I’m not experienced enough to sit in with the big guns, is it? Well, fuck you and your shitty job Kennedy, you fat fucking cunt-faced bastard!”

“No Martin, that’s what he wants you to say. He’s only doing this to test me,” he corrected himself, not realising he was speaking aloud.

“Well, that’s okay if you don’t want me there Mr. Kennedy. But let me tell you this: I was the one who put this whole thing together from the start. It was my idea to call the shareholders in and pitch the design for the new line of shelving, and you can go f-u-u-u…”

Mr. Brophy was then interrupted by the sound of the toilet room door and the familiar clippity clop of his bosses five hundred euro leather shoes that he brought back from Miami.

“Brophy!” called the voice. “Are you in here?”

“Yes, ” he replied, before clearing the guilt from his throat. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, the cleaner just called in sick and this toilet is in a right auld mess. Would you mind giving it a quick clean while you’re in here. Cheers,” he said, walking out the door without even waiting for a reply.

“No problem Mr. Kennedy! I’ll get right on it… you piece of fucking shit bastard,” he retorted, knowing no one would hear.

Following his task, the junior executive texted his girlfriend to tell her exactly what he said to his boss, in a bid for some false praise.

‘You are such an animal when you get going’ she replied. ‘I can’t believe they didn’t fire you yet. You’re always giving them stick!’