Country Forced To Change Its Name To ‘i-Reland’ Due To Apple Investment Clause

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FOLLOWING news of a further €850 million investment by tech giant Apple in a data centre in Athenry, the Government has announced a “slight change” in the country’s name going forward.

In a press conference earlier today, Taoiseach Enda Kenny confirmed that Ireland will now be called “i-Reland”, phonetically pronouncing it ‘aye-re-land’, stating that the name change came under clause 26.1 (1) of the investment contract laid out by the computer and phone manufacturer during a deal struck with the Government last November.

“It’s not that far removed from the original. The spelling is practically the same – just pronounced differently,” defended Mr. Kenny, who was by now being booed by the assembled press.

“Republic of Aye-re-land, lads. It’s not that bad!” he began shouting as people walked out of the room.

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It is reported that the clause was introduced after negotiations with Apple bosses took a turn after the Government decided to reform a tax law to phase out the ‘double Irish’ loophole, which allowed companies such as Apple to operate here with opportunities to reduce the level of corporation tax paid.

“We had to do something,” said Minister for Foreign Affairs and Trade Charlie Flanagan. “Apple is a hip brand so it is an honour to be brought under her wing. Imagine how jealous all the other countries will be when they find out, especially iTaly, iRaq and even iSrael. They’ll all be at it in a few months. Just you wait and see.”

The changeover to i-Reland will take place in a national ceremony in Dublin’s Phoenix park later this year, hosted by Tim Cook with special musical guests, U2.

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