Micheál Martin Challenges Taoiseach To Egg And Spoon Race

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THE pressure on Taoiseach and Fine Gael leader Enda Kenny has subsided somewhat as an ever more desperate Micheál Martin has downgraded his request from a tough-talking debate to a simple egg and spoon race.

“Micheál knew he was taking the piss trying to get a televised one-on-one debate with the Taoiseach,” revealed a Fianna Fáil spokesman, “but when you’re the leader of a party everyone is trying actively pretend never existed you have to try these things”.

While it is believed invites to debate in any live situation are rejected out of hand by the Taoiseach’s office, on this occasion aides close to the Taoiseach found this particular one so amusing they felt they had to inform Enda Kenny directly.

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“We thought it was a hoax at first, like, there was no way he’d actually think he could debate the Taoiseach, live no less but seriously, he did actually ask. Oh, Jesus, did we laugh in the Taoiseach’s office,” a spokesman for the Taoiseach shared.

Martin has tried to regain steady footing after the rejection of his invite by seeking an audience of any kind with the Taoiseach in a bid to appear relevant to the modern Irish political landscape.

“Eh, okay, em, how about an egg and spoon race? Anything? Do you like kites? How about we go flying kites on Dolymount strand. Look, Enda, I need this, I really need this. Even a picture with you, if you signed it that would be great,” Martin’s latest request to the Taoiseach read.

Martin even went on in his desperation to state that if the Taoiseach wanted, he could have a head start or maybe an extra large spoon.

It is believed the Taoiseach will reject this invitation too, as he is fresh off the back of a full weekend of adulation from his home county of Mayo.

“Ah, it was very taxing. I can’t imagine he’d be up for a debate until maybe a week before the election,” confirmed the Taoiseach’s spokesman.

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