Full Time Mad Bastard Offered Voluntary Redundancy

A DUBLIN teenager was today considering his career options after his future as a Full Time Mad Bastard was thrown into doubt following an offer of voluntary redundancy.

Declan Farrell, known to his friends as “Anto”, has worked as a Full Time Mad Bastard since 2009, when the Full Time Mad Bastard economy was experiencing a boom.

However, the demand for Full Time Mad Bastards has experienced a sharp decline following the Mad Bastard crash of 2012, which saw 200,000 Full Time Mad Bastards lose their jobs, with many having to emigrate to Australia where plenty of Full Time Mad Bastard work still exists.

Anto, 18, spent 2013 as a Mad Bastard on a three-day week, until his Full Time status was reinstated last Summer. His relief was short lived, however, as he received a letter this morning offering a generous Mad Bastard redundancy package.

“You know what comes after voluntary redundancy, don’t you?” said Farrell, who fears that his lack of non-Mad Bastard skills may hamper him in his search for work.”Involuntary redundancy! So I’m fucked one way or another.”

“I’m considering taking the redundancy and getting a head-start on any available jobs, before everyone else joins me on the dole queue. But I’ve been looking online this morning, and there just isn’t anyone looking for an 18 year old Mad Bastard on a full-time basis at the minute”.

Farrell fears that his redundancy package, which entitles him to one weeks salary per year of service, will not be enough to keep him afloat, although he knows of a few Mad Bastard nixers he can do here and there to get a bit of cash if he needs it.