Gerry Adams’ Dog Seeking Protection After Turning Herself Into The RSPCA

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FRESH from the troubling reports that the Sinn Féin leader likes nothing more than to bounce about naked on the trampoline with his dog comes news of his dog’s brave attempts to escape its captor.

While Gerry Adams was admitting to Sean Moncrieff on Newstalk show that naked trampolining with his dog is up there with his favourite hobbies, it is believed the troubled pup sought political asylum with British animal welfare organisation, the RSPCA.

“I could have gone to the ISPCA but I reckon Gerry has ‘people’ on the inside there,” shared Adam’s dog Countess Markiebitch with WWN.

“When he first jumped up there in the nip I didn’t really understand what was going on, I’m only a dog after all,” Markiebitch explained, “I thought Gerry was waving around a sausage, a treat for me to eat like, but it slowly dawned on me I was in a sort of doggie hell,” she added.

Several staunch Sinn Féin apologists have said that this latest episode marks the final straw and they will no longer support Gerry Adams.

“I know there’s a lot to find concerning about Gerry, but while the past is the past – jumping on a trampoline naked is jumping on a trampoline naked. We hereby withdraw our support,” explained Con Mullen.

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However, others are still backing the Sinn Féin leader.

“Ah, come off it, all these eejits acting like they don’t jump on a trampoline, swinging the mickey. The likes of Enda and Joan wouldn’t do it, but that’s because they don’t represent the normal people like Gerry does,” offered supporter Diane Folan.

Countess Markiebitch has confessed to a great sense of relief at never having to see Gerry dangle his republican movements again.

“I went with the RSPCA because I doubt Gerry could stomach heading over to the Royal Society For The Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. They’ve so many pictures of the Queen up here, it’s actually really comforting,” added the dog, who now goes by the name Queenie.

“A new identity, a fresh start. A chance to forget the past. It’s all I want really”.

While Gardaí are not thought to be investigating Adams they have conceded that naked trampolining with your dog is ‘really fucking odd’.

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