Dementia Patients Won’t Remember Two Year Wait For Beds Anyway, Claims Government

THE Government has defended lengthy waiting lists for beds in dementia units, claiming that patients suffering from the brain disease will not feel the two year spell as they ‘won’t remember anyway’.

In a new survey carried out by researchers at Trinity College Dublin (TCD), over 90% of nursing homes have no dedicated dementia care units, despite 48,000 people living with the condition in Ireland.

“It’s not like they’re going to remember the 24 months anyway.” pointed out the Minister for Health Leo Varadakar. “Wouldn’t they be better off at home with their families than being cooked up in a hospital sucking up vital resources from people who can actually remember waiting?”

The report found there are just 54 of these nursing homes, which cater for the complex needs of dementia residents, which include disruptive behaviour, psychological distress and hearing difficulties as well as an inability to express pain and discomfort after falls.

“The government would advise families of live-in dementia sufferers to strap them down to the bed if they get too out of hand. That should stop them falling around the place like a big eegit.” added the health minister. “Two years are nothing lads. It’s like a half term in office. The time will fly for them.”

Dementia is a term which describes a range of conditions which cause damage to the brain. This damage affects memory, thinking, language and the ability to perform everyday tasks, much like the Irish government.