Sales Of Koka Noodles Plummet As Payday Arrives


SALES of the leading brand of austerity noodles have taken their traditional late-January nosedive, as long-awaited paychecks finally meant that cash-strapped families can afford to eat something other than Koka for the first time in weeks.

Families were forced to endure eating Koka noodles for breakfast, lunch and dinner, with reports of hundreds of sad-faced employees all across the country sitting at their desk eating lunchboxes of re-heated noodles as they simply could not afford the components of even the most basic of sandwiches.

Available in bulk for as little as 12c per pack, the noodles were the perfect food for those who had failed to budget for late January when they were out drinking their December pay packet on St. Stephens Night.

Retailers estimated that 40,000 packs of Koka were sold in Ireland in the last week alone, bringing in revenue of almost €5,000 to the company.

However, with employees finally receiving their January wages into their bank accounts this week, sales of the noodles have hit rock bottom, as people treat themselves to their first take-away supper in ages.

“This happens every year, sales take a plunge from the last week of January to the first week of February.” said Ian McArdle, chief spokesperson for Koka Noodles, Ireland.

“We see sales rise in early January, as people eat the last of the turkey; then realise the fridge is empty and they’re out of cash. Sales peaked in the following two months, before declining sharply when payday arrives. We’re not worried about this, as we know our sales will pick up in February after everyone blows all their wages on Takeaways.”

With Irish people steadfastly refusing to properly budget their household outgoings, McArdle expects this high sales/sharp drop-off cycle to continue steadily throughout the year.