Homeless People Given Money To Go To The Cinema During IMF Visit

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IN A bid to maintain Ireland’s post-bailout image as the standard bearer for austerity, the government has implemented a number of once-off “tidy ups” in Dublin ahead of an inspection by the International Monetary Fund, including giving the capital’s homeless population a few euro to go to the cinema for the day.

The move comes as IMF chief Christine Lagarde touched down in Dublin airport with an IMF team to assess the country’s performance following the implementation of strict bailout conditions.

In order to present Ireland as a thriving community despite years of draconian cuts to public services, the Taoiseach authorised the use of emergency funds to buy a cinema ticket for each and every person currently living rough on the streets of Dublin, and issued a statement asking them to “make themselves scarce” for the afternoon.

With the capital’s homeless problem sorted for a few hours, the Taoiseach was able to bring Ms. Lagarde on a tour of Dublin, during which she complimented him on running such a prosperous nation, and awarded him with his annual pat on the back, while screen after screen became packed with an assortment of homeless people.

“I think I might go see Big Hero 6,” said Alan Reynolds, a 33-year-old who lost his home last year when he fell behind on mortgage repayments after finding himself unemployed 4 years ago.

“It seems to be a bit of a laugh. It was a nice surprise this morning when a government official went alley-to-alley and gave us all a voucher for Cineworld, although they told us it was only valid for today from 2pm till 6pm while some big-shot is in town”.

“I’d have preferred it if they’d used the money to address the challenges we face on the street on a daily basis so we could feel like real human beings again as opposed to an embarrassment that they don’t have a clue how to deal with, but sure it’s better than nothing. Actually, I might go see The Theory Of Everything, that’s about your man Hawking isn’t it?”

In a later interview as he made his way back to the alleyway that he shares with an elderly man with extreme mental problems, Mr. Reynolds informed us that he had indeed opted to go to see The Theory Of Everything, which he described as “alright”.

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