Oil Prices Reaching ‘Fuck Russia’ Levels


OIL prices continued to plunge this week with Brent Crude and US WTI both falling to ‘fuck Russia’ levels, on a growing supply surge from Saudi Arabia.

Despite record high imports from key consumer China, benchmark oil prices have plunged 60 percent from their 2014 peaks hit in June, forcing the sanction torn Russian Ruble down 2% in morning trading in Moscow.

“We haven’t seen fuck Russia levels like this since the cold war,” said economist, Constantin Gurdgiev. “The combined blow of slumping oil prices and Western sanctions over Ukraine slowly cripple their economy and we can expect to see it fall by as much as 5% in 2015.”

Analysts at American multinational investment banks, Goldman Sachs, slashed its short-term forecasts as Gulf producers showed no signs of cutting down production.

“We have asked the Saudi’s to cut down production,” one analyst claimed. “But, those lads aren’t too keen on Russia at the moment over the whole Iranian backing thing. At least we tried anyway.

“Look on the bright-side; the rest of us have cheap petrol now. Yay!” he added.

Meanwhile, the world Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC) said its decision in November not to curtail production in the face of falling prices was in no way linked to ongoing issues between the west and Russia, stating the whole thing is just one big coincidence.

“We didn’t even know Russia already had sanctions imposed on them,” said cartel CEO, Abdallah Salem el-Badri, who served under Colonel Gaddaffi as Libyan Minister for Oil in the 1990s. “That’s gas now when you say it. I was wondering why Putin was leaving me strange voicemails.

“No global conspiracy here I’m afraid. No siree.” he concluded.