Imitation Weaponry Still Perfectly Acceptable Gifts For Impressionable Young Humans


A CONSUMER report found today that imitation firearms and violent video games are still the number one choice for young, impressionable humans seeking presents for birthdays and Christmas.

Replica handguns for children stole the show over the festive season with one out of every five young boys requesting the weapon, followed closely by adult themed simulation games depicting the brutal reality of war.

“Sure, it’s only a bit of fun,” explained parent George Cassidy, who recently bought his 10-year-old son Call Of Duty 4 for his Playstation 3. “Max loves it now so he does. It’s great for his hand-to-eye coordination skills. At least he’s not hanging out at Tesco around the shopping Trolley bay like the rest of them his age.”

The report, which surveyed thousands of retail shops nationwide, also found that imitation babies were the number one toy of choice for young females.

“Dolls and guns have been pushed on young children for centuries,” explained psychologist, Dr. Daniel Curry. “It is quite natural for children to mimic their grown up counterparts. However, it is not quite clear what message we are giving when allowing one young child to imagine murdering someone, while giving the other a baby to look after. I suppose this is a sort of grooming in a way, but what would I know.”

With a staggering 78% of parents admitting to allowing their underage children to play adult video games, Dr. Curry warned that the games desensitizing violence could lead to further emotional detachment issues down the line.

“I just find it odd that parents would allow their kids to be trained in the art of warfare,” added the spoilsport. “We have got to ask who is behind this push? Are we inadvertently training our kids for the next big war?”

Meanwhile, parents across the country defended their purchases.

“Boys will be boys and girls will be girls,” said one parent, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of being judged. “Dr. Killjoy obviously has never had to entertain a child in his life. He was probably brought up on ‘ball in a cup’ or something.”

“What does he expect us to do, play with our children ourselves?” he added. “Who’s got time for that?”