Toilet Seats That Don’t Stay Up On Their Own Accord Will Get Pissed On, Finds Man Study

A STUDY into the urination habits of over 100 men has found today that toilet seats that don’t stay up on their own accord will more than likely be left down and pissed on.

Scientists at the University of Limerick found that faulty seats were blamed for 98% of urine related mishaps in men’s toilets.

“We found that the majority of men will not hold a toilet seat up with one hand while urinating.” explained head researcher Dr. Terry Philips. “And why should they? Toilet seats can hold as many as seventy billion germs at any one sitting.”

The study also found that fully functioning toilet seats contained 50% less bacteria due to the lack of man pee, and advised businesses around the country to ensure that all toilet seats were in perfect working order to improve hygiene.

“Me bollox I’m holding some dirty seat to save some other fuckers hairy arse.” said regular toilet user Damien Kent. “Every lad knows that if a toilet seat is drownded, it’s probably broken, so don’t even bother trying to lift it up. Just piss all over the thing like everyone else does. If some cunt wants a shit, then he’ll have to wipe it down for himself. That’s the rules boy.”

Researchers found that domestic, or shared sex toilets, were found to be the filthiest all round.

“Men are most likely to lift up a shared toilet seat and leave it down when finished out of courtesy. While women on the other hand, have a hundred percent fail rate when lifting up a toilet seat for men.” added Dr. Philips. “It seems down through the years women have somehow gotten away with ever having to touch a toilet seat – only when they’re getting sick.”

Full-time female Jessica Hartley told WWN that it is not a woman’s job to put the seat up for men when finished, but couldn’t explain why men had to leave it down.

“It’s just one of those things we don’t do. Why should I touch some pissy seat? That’s a man’s job or something. I dunno.” she said.