God Considering Turning Humankind Off, Then Turning It Back On Again
FOLLOWING a long and arduous attempt to get humanity to act they way he initially intended, God has admitted that he was considering just unplugging us, leaving us for thirty seconds, and then plugging us back in.
The statement comes as the world deals with yet another week of senseless violence and hatred, which was punctuated by the senseless slaughter of 142 people, mostly children, as a result of a Taliban attack on a school in Pakistan.
Having attempted several hardware upgrades as well as keeping the world updated as often as he can, God has finally admitted that there may not be any other option than to switch humanity off and then turn it back on again, hopefully restoring the world to its factory settings.
“Humanity isn’t supposed to be this way, but everything just keeps crashing,” said God, who doesn’t think a worldwide society which lives in harmony with itself for all eternity is too much to ask for.
“I’ve banged on the world a couple of times to see would that set things straight, but every time I log in, all I see is people killing each other, usually in my name, for fuck’s sake. I’ve installed a few updates which I had hoped would sort things out, I even sent the young lad down once to have a look, but that only seems to have made things worse”.
Clearly exhausted, God went on to admit that perhaps many of the atrocities committed by humans may be a result of poor decisions made when setting up the system in the first place.
“OK, I’ll admit, I installed a few ‘Free Will’ add-ons for humans that showed up in pop-up ads at the start,” said God, who has been on hold with customer support for ages.
“I thought they’d be good, but it just seems to have corrupted the whole thing. I also opted for the free versions of human behaviour programs rather than paying $10 for the premium versions… I thought I was going to save money, but all that has happened is people kill each other in droves for the most pointless of reasons”.
Should God decide to switch humankind off, then switch it back on again, it will mark the second time such an action has taken place after the great flood which washed away everyone except Noah and the Ark, which God initiated by pushing a pin into a small hole at the back of the world.