GP Charging Patients €55 To Tell Them Some Shit They Already Know

PATIENTS attending the clinic of a Dublin GP will today find themselves paying €55 to be told something they already know, it has emerged.

Dr. Mark Corless, operating a clinic in the Swords area of Dublin, will meet patients today presenting a range of similar symptoms, and will earn upwards of €55 per head by simply repeating what they have told him and suggesting they keep doing what they are doing to cure themselves.

This practice is very common throughout the year, as many people find themselves struck down by a range of common illnesses and race out to the doctors immediately. During winter months, prevalent illnesses such as vomiting bugs and flu make up 80% of the waiting room in any given GP clinic, and are easy money for doctors who simply assure the patient that they don’t have Ebola, and wave them out the door.

“We in the medical business call it “Wintering”, and it’s easy money, brother, ” said Dr. Corless, when questioned on the matter.

“There are people who show up at a GP with the sniffles, or a bout of vomiting and diarrhoea. These are all common, minor illnesses which don’t require a medical opinion; you could ring your mam and she’d tell you the same thing we’re going to tell you. Drink fluids, wrap up, and get the fuck out of my office; oh, and don’t forget to leave 55 smackeroonies on your way out”.

Corless went on to state that people presenting with such minor symptoms exacerbated waiting times at clinics, taking up time that could be spent with patients, such as children or the elderly that actually require medical assistance, but if they wanted to pay him 55 quid for two minutes of his time spent telling them something they already knew, he sure as hell isn’t going to refuse it.