Waterford Man Trying To Crowbar Irish Water Into Every Conversation

WATERFORD man Noel Phillips has been trying to move every conversation he is having with friends and family toward the subject of Irish Water, WWN can exclusively reveal.

While attending a family get together at the weekend Noel waited patiently as his brother spoke, trying to listen for a keyword which would help him get the conversation to turn to Irish Water.

“Well, won’t be long now ’till the little fella is having his Christening,” Noel’s brother John said only for Noel to seize on this vaguely water-related morsel.

“Ha, well good luck with that, Irish Water will have us paying a €1,000 a pop for the holy water on the baby’s head,” Noel informed the room, ruining the cheerful conversation.

“And Jaysus next they’ll probably change the name of the place too,” Noel offered confusingly.

Against his better judgement Noel’s father, Larry took the bait. “What do you mean? The name of the church?”

“Christ, no. Of here, you know what the government are like we’ll wake up one morning and we won’t be in Waterford, they’ll have gone and changed it to Irish Water-ford,” Noel added seriously.

“Kevin Costner is it? He was in Waterworld, wasn’t he? Sure, no chance of that movie being in Ireland anyway, the cost of the water,” Noel shouted across the room in the direction of someone who mentioned the word ‘bodyguard’.

Noel then spent much of his day yesterday standing by his office water cooler just waiting for someone to become thirsty.

“Ah, I see you’re getting the last of the water there before we’re all counting the millilitres,” Noel barked at his coworker Joanne before she mentioned it was actually Ballygowan water and their employers have always paid for it.