Taxpayers To Pay Ulster Bank Fine “For Old Times Sake”


FOLLOWING the record €3.5million fine levied against Ulster Bank relating to an IT failure, which caused widespread disruption for customers, Irish taxpayers have come forward and offered to cover the cost “for old times sake”.

Thousands of Ulster Bank customers were left without banking services for up to a month in 2012.

Today, the Central Bank of Ireland slapped them with the hefty fine, the largest of its kind in Irish banking history.

However, a statement was quickly issued by the Irish Taxpayers Association stating that they would pick up the bill as it was “loose change” compared to the €70 billion that was spent on the bank bailout of 2010. Not wanting to see a bank struggle, the taxpayers will add the €3.5 million to the existing bill, and settle everything up over the next 40 years or so.

“Yeah, fuck it, sure throw it on the pile,” said Sean Thompson, spokesperson for the Irish Taxpayers Association.

“What is it? Three and a half million? Sure, that’s only a drop in the ocean compared to what we’re paying for at the minute. We pay more interest on our bill every week, for Christ’s sake”.

When asked why the Irish taxpayer was being so generous following the calamitous error by Ulster bank, which saw many customers unable to access funds or perform online transactions for weeks on end, Thompson explained that the Irish Taxpayer are so used to coughing up for the mistakes of the banks, it didn’t seem fair to let Ulster Bank miss out on the taxpayer-bailout feeling.

“Sure, they were only going to find some way of charging us for it anyways”, he concluded.