Media Abandons News To Talk About Kim Kardashian’s Arse

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National, and international media outlets have confirmed that all news has been suspended for the day after pictures of Kim Kardashian’s posterior were circulated.

“Yeah, once we saw her arse, we shut up shop for the day,” admitted Daily Mail features editor John Corden, “we had a look around, but there is literally nothing as important as this so we just gave our reporters the day off”.

Outlets such as the BBC, CBS, the New York Times and our own RTÉ pulled reporters from a conference in Beijing, which was attended by world leaders such as Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin in order to devote their resources to covering the uncovering of Kardashian’s behind.

“This kind of event doesn’t happen every day,” confirmed Jack Purnell, head of the International Association of Journalists.

It is not yet known if Purnell is aware of the extensive pictures of a clothes-free Kim Kardashian available online through the use of rudimentary search engine skills.

“I think the public are done with the Middle East, Ebola, general hardship and inequality and that is reflected in the media’s round the clock, up to the minute updates on this woman’s ass,” Purnell confirmed.

“Oh, we’ve fucking cancelled the news, don’t worry,” explained editor of ITV news Gwen Harnett, “you’ll have a hard time finding news today that isn’t this woman’s bottom”.

The media have agreed to hold off on reporting on the devastating floods in India, which claimed the lives of 40,000 people until tomorrow as it is simply not deemed newsworthy.

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