Owner Pretending To Ignore His Dog Shitting Back There On Footpath


LOCAL dog owner Martin Lyons has decided to blatantly ignore his dog shitting back there on the footpath, after “forgetting” to bring his doggy poop bags for the 456th day in a row.

Lyons, a complete fucking prick, set out on his daily walk around noon with his beloved dog ‘Patch’, and managed yet again to avoid picking up the animals’ faeces.

Unaware he was being watched, the son of a bitch walked on as his dog began to squat, carefully managing to look straight ahead without remorse.

“The sneaky bastard just kept walking,” said one eyewitness, who regularly walks the route. “One of these days someone is going to drop kick that dog into next week along with its douchebag owner”.

Later confronting Lyons at his home with the now collected poop in a bag, this reporter asked him why he would do such a thing, before smearing it directly to his face and running off.

“My eyes! My fucking eyes!” he shouted. “It’s burning my eyes! Please, make it stop!

“Arghhhhhhhhhhh,” he added, squirming on the ground.

Following several hours of questioning from local Gardaí, WWN was informed that the e-coli in the dog poop may have caused him some partial blindness in one eye, and that a file was being sent to the DPP.

More as we get it.