“It Feels A Lot Later Than It Is,” Claims County Limerick Man
COUNTY Limerick male Jim Chambers was taken aback this evening when wife Geraldine Chambers confirmed the time to be only seven o’clock, forcing the couple into a rare 30 second conversation about the clocks going back.
“What’s the point in saving light in the morning when it’s still going to be pitch dark coming home in the afternoon?” asked Mr. Chambers, rhetorically, knowing full-well that his wife hates to answer ridiculous questions while preparing dinner. “Wouldn’t it make more sense leaving it brighter so that tired people from work don’t crash and kill someone on the way home?”
Handing him his plate of boiled bacon and cabbage, the 73-year-old wife of one replied: “Do you ever shut up complaining Jim for fuck’s sake; if it’s not the water meters, it’s the weather, and if not the weather it’s the fucking government. Just eat your dinner you clown”.
Not really shocked at his wife’s characteristic reaction, he humbly began eating the food given to him as he began replaying the argument again in his head, only this time he was the boss: “No, why don’t you shut up Ger you alcoholic bitch. All you do is tell me to shut up all the time. Why don’t you just shut up and listen to me?” he said in his head, now slightly animating some of the made up conversation at the kitchen table.
“I regret the day I ever married you and your messed up family,” he added, this time saying the loud bit quite and the quiet bit loud.
“What did you say Jim?” asked his wife, who only caught the “messed up family” part of his mumble.
“Nothing, dear. This dinner is lovely.” he replied, peering sheepishly at the sharp bread-knife on the table, wondering what sentence he’d be handed down at his age.