Ireland Prepares Itself For Imminent Outbreak Of Brian McFadden

EMERGENCY services across the country have been put on high alert today as Ireland braces itself for what experts are warning to be a severe outbreak of Brian McFadden.

Brian, like many young victims of the economic downturn, had to emigrate to Australia to find work. His sporadic visits to Ireland in recent years have brought bouts of negativity and snarkiness, with many agreeing that the highly unlikable McFadden should not be allowed into the country again.

However, the former Westlife singer was hired to host TV3’s Christmas Toy Show, scheduled to hit airwaves on the 27th of November, and as such will be returning at some stage in the coming weeks.

Before even entering the country, the ex-Mr. Katona engaged himself in a Twitter spat with a small-time radio DJ, where he gloated that his fee for appearing on the TV3 show would exceed that of the DJ’s entire yearly salary. This has led experts fear to that McFadden’s extended time away from Ireland coupled with some modest success in the Australian music charts have made him more unbearable than ever.

Preparations have already begun at airports in anticipation for the arrival of McFadden and his reality TV star wife Vogue, where the couple will be immediately seized by armed guards and bundled into blacked-out vans in a bid to cut down on interaction with the public.

The pair will be kept under surveillance until the TV3 cameras are rolling, after which they will be hustled back into the van and placed on the first available flight back to Australia.

McFadden’s phone and laptop will also be seized, to deny the odious singer a chance to tweet about how much better his life is than yours.

The Irish public is urged to stay indoors during this difficult period, and make no attempt to watch the TV3 Christmas Show for fear it may give McFadden the impression that he’s popular.