Ignorant Bastard Pretending He Didn’t Just Bang His Car Door Off Yours Right There


THE exiting owner of a navy ’04 Ford Focus is only pretending he didn’t just bang his car door off of yours right there, even after it made a loud crunching noise the whole God damn car park could hear.

Purposely avoiding eye-contact in your general direction, he makes his way towards the shopping centre without even bothering to check for damage.

“What an ignorant bastard!” you mumble to yourself, rolling down the window to check your side panel. “He fucking knew I was in here and was too afraid to look around. I’ll show him now when he comes back out the cunt. We’ll see how he likes it.”

Fuming with the stranger, you start imagining the future scenario that is about to unfold:

You spot the bastard leaving the shop with bags in hand. He makes his way to the door again, this time opening it carefully, making sure not to bang it or make eye-contact. You wait till he’s inside his car to execute your retaliation. Baaam! Your door slams against his. He gets out complaining, asking you what your problem is. Then, out of no where, you roundhouse kick him into the face, forcing him over the bonnet of his car, leaving him bloodied and unconscious. Dragging him over to his opened door, you place his head in it like a jam, and repeatedly slam it, crushing his skull with every curdling bang.

However, your train of thought is broken by the familiar sound of reality. It’s the same guy – banging his door against yours again. You panic, not knowing what to do or where to look. The fear of confrontation now giving you a feeling of urgency in your colon.

The assailant turns around with a worried look. You both make eye contact and, like a mime artist, he apologies profusely through your window. You smile and nod your head emphatically like a dope, as if it was nothing this whole time.

“I suppose it could happen to anyone.” you tell yourself defending your vulnerability.

The wife finally arrives ten minutes later with the shopping. You tell her nothing of the incident, for fear of being called a “spineless piece of shit”.