Recently Employed Man Enjoys First Wank In New Job

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WWN has learned that a new employee at a prominent Dublin accountancy firm has successfully masturbated in the office toilet cubicle for the first time since his appointment to an I.T. role nearly two weeks ago.

Rathmines native Daniel Malloy had spent the last fortnight getting to know his way around his new job at Armstrong & Hand Accountancy, which involved four days training and an afternoon at a mandatory Health and Safety course.

Happy that he had integrated himself into the workforce, Malloy began work on finding out the best time of day for nipping into the jacks to crack one off the wrist, taking into account several factors before committing to this mornings successful first wank.

“You always want to leave it a while in a new job, so that it isn’t too obvious, ” said the 27-year-old tech wizard. “They’re always keeping an eye on the new guy in the first few weeks, to see if he’s a good worker or if he’s lazy or whatever. But after 2 weeks you’re pretty much left to your own devices, so if you want to dart into the cubicle and haul your ashes you can do so without much fear of being sprung”.

Malloy went on to outline the research involved in pulling off a successful wank, which involved testing cubicle doors to see which had the best lock, as well as finding the bathroom with the best Wi-Fi signal.

“Work can be incredibly stressful at times, so it’s important to knock it out of yourself to relax during the day, ” said Malloy, while emailing a member of staff a list of reasons why their computer won’t print.

“But you have to know how long you can disappear to the toilets for before you get noticed and time your run perfectly so that you don’t get interrupted and have to go back to your desk. A working day is tough enough without having to spend it with blue balls”.

Pleased with the success of his inaugural midday tug, Malloy now intends to make it part of his daily work routine.

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