Waterford Woman To Spend Day Spending Imaginary Lotto Winnings



WATERFORD woman Nuala Clarke is set to spend most of the day in work daydreaming about what to spend her imaginary lotto winnings on.

Shortly after arriving at the offices of Flannery Financial Solutions, Nuala took to her desk by the window and immediately began buying a variety of designer dresses from the likes of Prada, DVF and Betsey Johnson. She purchased buttock implants knowing that if they didn’t suit she could always get them removed at little extra cost.

As the morning wore on Nuala turned her thoughts to less important and perhaps more frivolous spending. Nuala wondered how much money she would have to pour into researching the science behind actually creating real life ‘minions’ from the popular animated movie Despicable Me.

Worst case scenario she would pay a child to dress up as a minion and force it to run around the house, the newly and wholly imaginary millionaire thought.

The 29-year-old then turned her attention to heading home from work early in order to oversee the construction of her 4-storey seaside mansion, which comes with an indoor swimming pool, a walk in wardrobe and an unnecessarily high number of bathrooms.

Nuala then began casually writing down a list of people she would ring up to inform them of her newly acquired and imaginary status of millionaire, even going as far as to practice her maniacal laughter.

She thought about how much it would cost to hire someone to murder Jenny from accounting – the bitch.

Sadly, after spending close to €78 million in her head between the hours of 9 and 12, Nuala cursed her bad luck as yet again her boyfriend picked terrible numbers for the upcoming lotto.

“What sort of fucking clown thinks 27 is a good fucking number,” Nuala thought to herself while simultaneously wondering how much it would cost to purchase one Ryan Gosling.