Pixelated Drug Gang Wreak Havoc On Dublin Streets

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Reports have likened the scenes to that of cat-killing TV show Love/Hate as Dublin is terrorised by a new breed of criminal. As first revealed by the Sunday World last week pixelated drug gangs are running rampant throughout Dublin, leaving many residents fearing for their lives while simultaneously confused by the look of these criminals.

“We urge the public to stay safe and if you see one of these pixelated individuals do not approach them as they are dangerous,” a Gardaí statement on the latest crime spree read.

Several journalists working at the Sunday World are said to feel vindicated as the Gardaí are now, after years of the paper reporting on such criminals, finally taking action.

“It’s about time,” shared Sunday World reporter Niall Doland, “we’ve been publishing photos or these guys for years but no action has been taken and the Government have been dragging their heels,” he added before returning to consulting a chart on how to give gangland figures catchy names.

However, Minister for Justice Frances Fitzgerald has rejected claims the Government are reluctant to act. “As anyone can see from the pictures published, they have next to no discerning features so they are hard to place into the Pulse system,” explained the Minister.

While it is still not yet known how these men came to be pixelated, it is speculated that almost 100% of pixilated Irish men turn to a life of crime.

“It’s almost understandable,” explained criminal psychologist Dr. Fiona Devlin, “you grow up as an outsider, but one day you pick up the paper and see someone pixilated, someone like you. The headline reads ‘Give me the money ye hairy geebag said armed raider’ and you may think crime is where you belong”.

Recent Garda measures against this crime wave have seen them place ‘no pixels allowed’ in a number of shops, post offices and banks prompting a 0% reduction in robberies and drug related crime.

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