Vatican Uncovers Rare, Long Forgotten 11th Commandment

204
0
Share:

Dead-Sea-scrolls

REPORTS from around the world have been suggesting for some weeks now that the Vatican had been withholding information on a newly discovered 11th commandment and now the Vatican have finally confirmed the news.

Spokesperson for the Vatican Furio Giunta was sheepish about the exact contents of the 11 commandment but did relay some information to awaiting media.

“Well, it’s quite long and detailed,” explained Giunta, “and actually what astonished the Pope most is how relevant its teachings are in relation to the modern world, which is of course purely coincidental and not contrived in any way”.

Giunta went on to explain that the 11th commandment may have made specific mention of how Governments should institute a permanent tax-exempt status for the Catholic Church while also condemning all social media posts that were critical of the church.

Regrettably, the 11th commandment is also rumoured to absolve the church of any past, current or future wrongdoing.

“Hey, look, I guess God is just an understanding guy and this newly discovered commandment is perfectly reflective of our current worldview. He still has a huge hard on for the whole ‘don’t use condoms in the third world to prevent the spread of HIV’ thing,” Giunta added to a bemused press pack.

While the precise details of the new commandment have yet to surface, we do know that it was discovered in the disabled toilet in a Florida branch of McDonalds, some 600 years after first being reported missing from a Vatican owned storage facility.

The Vatican outright deny and condemn rumours that the commandment, etched in stone, used comic sans font.

Share:
X