Shock As 4 Star Hotel Found In Portlaoise Prison



FOLLOWING on from the troubling discovery of mobile phones, modems and USB keys in the possession of prisoners in the prison’s dissident wing comes the news that another, more shocking and alarming discovery has been made.

In a WWN exclusive, we can reveal that during a routine search of Portlaoise prison carried out by staff, the shocking discovery of a 4 star spa and hotel retreat was discovered.

“We’re as shocked as anyone,” explained prison warden Noel Cummings, “there it was wedged in between A wing and B wing, I feel a bit stupid it took us this long to notice”.

The luxury 4 star getaway is rumoured to be in operation for months, offering inmates the most cutting edge and comfortable spa treatments.

“It still baffles me as to how they got a state of the art sauna in here,” added Cummings.

The discovery was made sometime this morning after prisoners were instructed to vacate their cells, only for an officer to find one of the chocolates you get in hotels on a prisoner’s pillow.

It is thought the hotel operated on a barter system which saw previously smuggled in items such as heroin, phones and weapons exchanged for hotel extras such as multiple towels, a mini bar, reiki massage or a facial.

Cummings has confirmed the staff will continue daily searches of cells in an effort to avoid another 4 star hotel popping up in the prison. The warden also confirmed the jacuzzi that was found in today’s search has been moved to his office.