Confused Irish Couples Report They’ve Been Having ‘Same Sex’ In Their Marriage For Years



After the announcement that a same-sex marriage referendum will take place in the Spring of 2015, a number of concerned citizens voiced their confusion.

As many as 65% of married couples have reported that they have been having the ‘same sex’ for a number of years and are confused as to why it should be enshrined in and protected by the constitution.

“Sure, we only do it now and again, there’s no need to vote on it, we’re allowed have at it as it is,” explained politically astute wife Maura Fields.

WWN went to explain to some of those confused by the news that the referendum was about equal rights for all in marriage but confusion still persisted.

Many couples stated they were left perplexed by gay couples continually fighting for straight couples to have the right to the same old boring sex.

“I appreciate the thought, but my Sarah knows better than to be physically intimate with me in any way, I’ll only get awful giddy and ask if we can do it like they do in the church’s guide to lovemaking manual,” shared John Nolan.

Others remained worried at the prospect of this seemingly strange referendum.

“I hear the gays would be fierce athletic at times when they’d be having the sex, is this some law to safeguard against us from having that sort of vigorous love making,” queried Sean McDonagh, a husband of 43 years.

“The Government can’t force us into having all these bells and whistle sex craic now, can they?” asked Conor Mangan, who, along with his wife Eithne of 20 years, recently discovered ‘missionary’ wasn’t just an endeavour carried out by some religious faiths.

Anti-same sex lobbyists came out today to voice their concerns on the matter as well.

“We must have a variety of sexual positions or else it’s going to look like we are blindly favouring one position over another and you can’t do that really,” said Gareth Shields of IONA (Institute of Naughty Accoutrments).

“We at IONA believe a variety of positions should be explored in an effort to stop the stilted same sex positions being used over and over again”.

With the referendum set to take place in 2015 the months that lie ahead are set to be dominated by worried married couples sticking to their rigorous regime of single sex position lives.