“It’s Too Warm To Cook So I’m Just Gonna Make A Nice Salad For Tonight’s Dinner.” Confirms Mother Of Three


A COUNTY Tipperary mother has confirmed today that she will not be ‘slaving over a hot stove’ this evening, as it is far too hot to cook, but will make her annual Irish salad for her husband and kids instead.

45-year-old Tessa Kane told Waterford Whispers News it was “wicked close altogether”, and she just doesn’t fancy going to all that trouble later.

“Gonna do up a nice healthy salad for them now.” she said. “Some scallions, tomatoes, lettuce, boiled eggs, ham and a heel of Keoghs bread with loads of butter. Sure, you couldn’t cook in this weather. They can eat it now or leave it – I couldn’t care less.”

Mrs. Kane made the comments whilst out shopping in her local SuperValu’s vegetable aisle: “I might get a tub of coleslaw and potato salad for John. He loved that last year when I made it.”

The mother of three also purchased a €9 bottle of Italian olive oil, but only remembered after leaving the shop that she had already a bottle from last year.

“Thirty fucking euro for a salad!” she added. “I could have fed them for a week on that money. All the good food is dear. No wonder the country is full of fat fuckers.

“At least I don’t have to cook now, it’ll be worth it.”

Unfortunately, Mrs. Kane soon realised when she got home that she still had to boil the eggs.

“They’ll only take a few minutes. It’s not like I’m actually cooking anyway. Boiling is different.” she told herself manically. “They better fucking eat the thing now after all this trouble I went to.”

Mr. Kane and his three children are due home around five pm, where they’ll be greeted with ‘Your dinner is in the fridge’ by his wife, who will be making sure that they eat “every bit of it”.