Northern Ireland Never Liked Rory McIlroy Anyway



Following widespread speculation Rory McIlroy made the decision to represent Ireland in golf at the next Olympics. The 2-time major winner stressed that it wasn’t an easy choice but it was what he wanted, the decision was welcomed overwhelmingly by golf fans here in the South.

While some backlash was expected in Northern Ireland following his decision, many reactions have been understated and indifferent.

“After much thought and careful consideration, we realised we never really liked him anyway,” read a statement from the people of Northern Ireland.

“Sorry, Rory Mackey Roy, how do you spell that?” Asked head of Golf N.I Michael Stewart. “Oh McIlroy I hear you now, no never heard of him, is he a footballer is it?” Stewart asked, hiding behind his heartbroken eyes.

“I’ll be honest, I absolutely love the guy, so talented and then yesterday, for some reason, I decided I’m not really into him,” shared First Minister of Northern Ireland Peter Robinson, “can I put my finger on why I changed my mind? No, I don’t think anything specific triggered it, just don’t like him that’s all.”

A poll conducted by broadcaster UTV revealed 65% of the public ‘don’t care for the prick’ despite the poll, only having ‘yes’ or ‘no’ options.

Through conducting extensive interviews WWN discovered that the issue of a man hitting a small ball, then chasing it only to hit it further away again has not been the divisive issue it was expected to be.

“Golf? Couldn’t give a monkeys. Sticks and balls, nothing to get worked up about is it?” Terry McFarley, an Antrim publican said as he took a large sledgehammer to some golfing memorabilia.