It’s The DWWNWCRU (Daily WWN World Cup Round Up)

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WWN brings you the latest events from the World Cup in Brazil.

Australia’s Tim Cahill scored a spectacular goal yesterday as his team narrowly lost out to Holland. The ferocity of his goal prompted calls for new words and phrases to be invented to describe such a fantastic strike. FIFA are consulting the public on this new endeavour which has seen submissions include ‘clank-thumping-jaysus’, ‘heart-crunching-joy-deliverer’, the already popular ‘Thunderbastard’ and ‘sack-obliterating-wonder-smash’.

Spain’s loss to Chile last night saw a 2000% increase in Chile-based puns across the internet. Things look set to get worse for Spain as their newly crowned King Felipe VI has taken the unexpected move of beheading the entire team for their failure.

Approximately 60% of football fans are now claiming to have long known the Spanish team were going to fail at the group stage, chiefly using the power of hindsight, many fans have basked in the glory of their expert views.

RTÉ have come under fresh criticism as Argentinian pundit Ossie Ardiles finished up his stint at the broadcaster. RTÉ’s once in a lifetime prize of World Cup final tickets relied on viewers correctly guessing what Ardiles was saying, but RTÉ received no correct answers despite 100,000 people entering.

The closest anyone got to correctly guessing what he said was Dubliner Martin O’Dowd whose ‘Scorchio’ was closer but no cigar.

WWN cannot confirm reports Sepp Blatter has taken some of FIFA’s cash reserves to build a giant laser-based weapon on the surface of the Moon.

Croatia beat Cameroon 4-0 last night, but Cameroon where the real winners as they entertained the public with several acts of needless violence. Alex Song was sent off late on in the first half, but the Barcelona player claims the elbow, he directed into the back of an opponent was misconstrued, he simply wanted to help Mandzukic with a bothersome itch. “He said to me, ‘Alex don’t be shy get up in there, work the muscle’ and so I helped him like any caring person would.”

The BBC have been told by viewers to stop forcing their pundits to get dressed in the dark without any lighting, but the BBC have insisted the likes of Rio Ferdinand and Thierry Henry are fully aware of what they are wearing.

England are deep in concentration ahead of their crunch match against Luis Suarez and 10 other people. Captain Steven Gerrard led the team in an early session today, which saw them practice their ‘I guess this is it, we’re out’ faces in a lively training exercise. Wayne Rooney faces fresh injury concerns as he pulled a muscle in his face while staying behind to practice his grimacing.

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